Note - I try and write these blog posts when I have energy. Often, I will get a rough draft done, and then I am pooped and won't came back to it for a week because of my schedule. This is one of those articles, I wrote it about 2 weeks, before I went in for the 3rd "FIGHT"!
A few months ago I was asked to give a key note talk at Bloosmburg Universities’ Leadership Summit. I graduated from BloomU with an Exercise Science degree, so to say I was honored is an under statement.
Unfortunately, the whole “C” thing hit, so I was unable to make it in person. I told them the story and they still insisted I “be there”, so they suggested I shoot a video.
Which I did. Actually I shot like 10 videos that I cobbled together into a 40-minute video on Leadership. The whole thing was over 60 minutes!
Each video was a lesson I learned about leadership in all of my many unique adventures I have taken.
One of my lessons – A leader has to have RADICAL ACCEPTANCE.
Check out the short video below:
My buddy Chris Spaulding came up the idea and I love it - because it fit me so well.
I own a gym.
I am an entrepreneur.
I am a step dad…I prefer “alternate father” (I tried teacher for a while...but that didn't stick). I tell Logan – you have one dad; he is the guy that helped bring you into this world. You will have many people that will consider you their sons and you consider them father figures - they are the guys that will teach you about life and how to make this world better.
I am a boyfriend.
I am a fitness and health expert.
I have cancer.
I used to be able to work at a capacity that others would find incredible. I tell people, 10-12 calories per minute for a 45-60-minute work out is the bare minimum. 12-14 calories are ideal. I could hit 15 calories per minute for 90 minutes straight and keep my heart rate at above 90% the whole time.
Not often - but everyone should be tested sometimes. I don't say that to brag, just to give a frame of reference.
To my fit peeps – give it a try.
To my non-fit peeps – take my word for it – that’s hustling.
Now, I get winded riding at 120 beats per minute (what most in-shape elderly would consider conversational pace while walking) riding a bike for 15 minutes.
I have cancer.
I started losing my hair this week. It was unexpected and it hit me a lot harder then I thought.
Cancer rule 123 – Treatment moves FAST. BE PREPARED. Have RADICAL ACCEPTANCE and embrace every day because very day moves you one step closer to being done with treatment.
Every time I showered, I would lose more and more. It made me feel sick on other wise good feeling days. So, I made the decision to buzz it down as much as possible.
I can not tell you how hard that decision was. My amazing girl friend’s mom said to me:
“There are two ways to look at it – a good way and a bad way.”
I replied to her that there is only one way to look at it – a good way.
I have no time (literally) in my life for negativity and neither do you, and yet, that’s what we often surround our selves in. Accept the shit that happens to you on a daily basis. Don’t fight it. I fought almost every single day of my life while I was heavily into martial arts. Fighting taught me two things:
Fighting takes energy – you only have so much.
Accepting, redirecting and conserving won me more fights then any amount of head against head fighting.
If I was stuck in a bad situation, I would not fight it. I would simply say – this is my new reality. I embrace how awful this feels because I know that I will not be here long. I would work through the bad position/situation until I made a new reality that was better then the reality I was in.
During the “cleaning” (the shaving off of my hair...I feel like it should take longer. Like there should be some kind of sacred ritual involving drums, very low lighting, maybe some "incense"...something.) I kept thinking to myself – radical acceptance.
This is not the light you want when your doing a ritual sacrifice.
THIS IS MY NEW REALITY.
Until I am healed. Then my new reality will be a different, to be determined reality.
I want you to have RADICAL ACCEPTANCE. People often get caught up in how shitty their lives are, or how things didn’t go their way with something…or worse…feeling sorry for themselves.
We see it all the time with people that want to lose weight. They struggle with making the changes necessary for weight loss to happen. Weight loss isn’t hard – it just takes two things (it takes a lot more then that, but there other stuff can't happen until you accept these two points):
Accept that you are who you are right now and that you can not change who you are right now. (is that two things?)
Accept that your situation will not change unless you change.
Change is hard. No shit. But, it can be done. You need to have RADICAL ACCEPTANCE that your current situation may not and often times IS NOT your future situation. Unless you don’t change.
Once you accept that you are:
Truly accept it. As in, this is me.
This is MY LIFE.
I do not blame anyone for what has happened to me in my life.
I take responsibility for what has happened to me in my life.
I am the person that can change for the better.
But, I must accept to the deepest part of my being that the life I have right now is the life I must live.
I have gone through legal battles - I don't back down from a challenge.
I have had surgeries and countless physical injuries.
I have been audited.
I have had months where I didn't know if we could pay our bills.
I have failed more times then I have succeeded.
I have cancer, and that means I have to shave my head.
I accept that this is my current life.
I accept that my current life is my life to live.
I have RADICAL ACCEPTANCE that this is the best life for me and I will do whatever it takes to make sure MY LIFE is exactly how I want it to be.
I accept change.